An ode to homer


Cover of "The Simpsons Movie (Widescreen ...

Cover of The Simpsons Movie (Widescreen Edition)

No not the greek poet. Watch the simpson’s movie and chief wiggam almost shot himself while eating donuts. Something homer and I share is a love of donuts. So I’m thinkin of that I’ve never had is fried cake donut. Not sure if they’d fry up right, but I figure the idea’s there always room to experiment.  The dough will probably be a bit sticky so flour whatever you use to cut the donuts. So here we go homer’s donut.

 

Homer‘s donut

Mix oil and egg in a bowl until combined, add in baking powder, sugar, salt, and flours and fold together unitl it forms a crumbly mix. Slowly stir in brandy, moonshine and milk. Flour your hands and turn out onto floured board and let sit in the oven for 2 hours. Roll dough out to desired thickness (I’m thinking 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick, anything thicker might leave the center raw and uncooked.) and either cut out with a cookie cutter or a tin can, or a cup. Cut out as many donuts as you can get, might be some left over, can twist it together and you can make donut sticks! Heat oil in a pan until you can stick in a bamboo skewer and it bubbles vigorously, or a cube of bread browns in a minute. Lay your donuts a few at a time in the oil and fry until golden brown flipping with a spider half way through cooking. (Probably 3-4 minutes, maybe more depending on thickness) Once cooked, remove from pan of oil and roll in cinnamon sugar. (My cinnamon sugar is 1/4 cup white sugar, 1 tablespoon cinnamon and 1 teaspoon apple pie spice) Knowing homer like I do from watching the show, I think a glaze would be required, a simple glaze of 1/4 cup milk, 2 cups cinnamon sugar, and 1 teaspoon of apple pie moonshine be awesome. Definetly not healthy, but sounds like something homer would enjoy.

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The’s king’s apple pie moonshine


Moonshine: People once believed (incorrectly) ...

Moonshine: People once believed (incorrectly) that a blue flame meant it was safe to drink. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is something I have come to enjoy. Apple pie flavored liquor…excellent for cooking even better for drinking.

 

20 gallons apple juice
20 gallons apple jack
10 cans thing of cinnamon stickes
Now start warming it up. When it reaches about 100 degrees add
20 cups dark brown sugar
20 cups palm sugar
Keep cooking and stiring every now and then.
Add a few dashes of cinnamon powder. Not alot.
Cook until it starts to boil, around 225 should be enough. Now let it cool.
One cooled to around 100 degrees you will now add the alcohol all 8.6 gallons of 190 proof appalachian moonshine (illegal, but can use a 50/50 mix of vodka and everclear)

Store in 50 1 gallon jugs.

Enjoy responsibly…

root beer from scratch


Alrighty, I saw the make your own root beer article on Here and I am somewhat appaled. The information was right on, but extract. Ok I’ll admit if your new to brewing it’s probably the best way to go…but where’s the fun? So I’ll teach ya how to really do it from scratch.

First what do you need to make rootbeer from scratch?

Must Have:
Vanilla (use real vanilla, but not the bean)
Wintergreen

Should Have:
Ginger
Licorice
Sasparilla

How much of each? Thats up to you…thats the beauty of it…for example, I like a bit more sasparilla in mine. 2½ oz. Wintergreen ¼ oz. other ingredients, 1/2 oz. of sasprarilla.

When the roots are gathered they should be rinsed in clear water. All dirt and tops should be removed. Roots that are heavy should be cut or split. When it comes to barks care should be taken that the woody part is removed. The inner skin is the part of the bark that will be used. Herbs & leaves must be gathered when the plant is in seed or flowering stage. When gathering herbs, the plant must be cut where the first leaf begins to branch out. When I state leaves, it is the leaves only that we want. After washing, these items should be laid out to dry, and care should be taken so that they are spread out where the air can get around them to prevent molding. Can also get them in a health food store, but where’s the fun in that lol.

Now just boil the ingredients for about 30 minutes, remove the roots and herbs, and proceed to the fermentation stage below. Vanilla beans contain very tiny seeds, so don’t use the bean unless you’re prepared to filter the liquid first (boiling the bean without slicing it open doesn’t provide enough flavor).

You are going to ferment your root beer, but it is also possible to force carbonate instead. For right now though, we’ll just stick to fermentation. It is the process of fermentation that puts the little bubbles, carbon dioxide, into the root beer. It is also pretty simple to accomplish. Pour your flavored sugar water into a bucket that can be covered, and then add a package of ale yeast when the liquids temperature is warm (about 75 degrees F.). Over the next 12 hours the yeast will start eating the sugar and huge amounts of carbonation and foam will result and then subside. Now it is time to bottle. But before we bottle, just a couple notes. Do NOT use champagne yeast, which is often recommended by root beer manufacturers and books written 20 years ago (I’ll explain why under the bottling section). The type of yeast that you use will substantially effect the final flavor, so experiment. Liquid yeast costs a lot more, but tastes much cleaner and should probably be used if you’re making a traditional root beer from natural ingredients. I get my yeast from Midwest Brewing Supplies, they got a lot of yeast, but Hoptech has a full line of yeast – just remember to use ale yeast. One thing that must be followed strictly is to KEEP EVERY THING CLEAN. Bacteria can easily contaminate your root beer and make it really nasty (I am understating the importance of this – please keep everything clean). Along the same lines, don’t leave your root beer exposed to air, keep it covered, or bacteria will get into it. Now, a note on tradition, fermenting root beer was how things were originally done. By 1866 (and probably much earlier), even though carbonation by fermentation was still popular, it was not uncommon to force carbonate. I use a plastic fermentor from Midwest brewing in their brewing kits. I also use ironically a airlock and a coca-cola bottle half filled with water. (See Guide to brewing How to brew beer (a good brewing guide) Brewing equipment guide Brewing terminology guide)

Let’s get this stuff bottled. After the initial carbonation subsides, about 12 hours, you can start bottling. If you don’t have a good uniform fermentation going, you might want to consider letting it ferment another 12 hours or so, which will help ensure you have a uniform yeast population throughout the brew. Once again, any homebrew supplier can help with bottling supplies. You will need a bottle-filler, which is much easier than a funnel, and keeps your root beer from being exposed to air. You will also need some bottles. Make sure all bottles are clean (you have to guard against bacteria). Now all you have to do is transfer the root beer to the bottles. You will need to keep an eye on the bottles. The reason you don’t want to want to use champagne yeast is that champagne yeast has been developed to live at much higher pressures than ale yeast and your root beer can continue fermenting until the bottles explode. Although this *can* also happen with ale yeast, it is very rare and the conditions have to be just right (including glass of less than the best quality). Once the pressure in your bottles gets to a certain point, the ale yeast will be killed off because it can’t live in a high pressure environment.

That means when you open it, it goes pssst…Drink me I’m cold and carbinated

Ps…Midwest brewing sells extract and a soda making kit! Soda kit is 20 bucks! Soda making kit at midwest brewing supplies.

Liquor beer coffee and hot chocolate recipes


Beer from pea shells

4l of unchlorinated water
5l pea shells
7.g fresh yeast
small piece of toast
50g bittering hops mixed with 50g finishing hops
500ml water

Add the pea shells to the water, bring to a boil, cover and simmer for 3 hours. Strain the liquid into a sterile container (a brewer’s bucket is good), cover and allow to cool to lukewarm. In the meantime, combine the hops and water in a pan, boil and simmer for 10 minutes then strain and add to the pea shell liquid. When the mixture has cooled to about 40°C spread the yeast on the toast and float this on the top of the nettle liquid. Cover the bucket with a cloth and place in a warm draft-free spot for three days to top ferment. Strain the liquid after 3 days then pour the mixture into clean bottles to about 1.5 cm of the top. Cap the bottles and place these on their sides in a warm and draft-free spot. The pea shell beer will be ready to drink in about 5 days, but will keep quite well for an entire summer.

Sorry it’s all in metric….too lazy to convert it this morning.

Acorn coffee

1kg fresh, ripe, acorns (with worms to add morning protien!  couldn’t resist )

Add the acorns to a large pan along with plenty of water. Bring to a boil and continue boiling, uncovered for 15 minutes. Top-up the water as the acorns cook. Drain in a colander, then allow to cool and peel. The boiling process will make peeling the acorns much easier. Split the acorns then set aside in a dry but warm spot for the acorns to dry out for 48 hours then grind in a coffee grinder (just as you would, coffee). Spread the grounds on a baking tray and roast in a warm oven, stirring frequently and checking often to ensure that they do not burn. You are aiming for the grounds to be a brown coffee colour. To make a drink use a cafetiére and add 1 1/2 tsp per cup then pour water over the top and make the drink, just as you would coffee. Add milk and sugar to taste and serve. Don’t expect anything that tastes remotely like coffee or tea. It’s it’s own kind of drink, but pleasant enough for all that.

Nettle beer (St. Patricks day green!)

50 nettle stalks with leaves 5l of unchlorinated water 1.5kg honey (needs to be reasonable but doesn’t have to be too good) 25g cream of tartar 2 tsp yeast nutrient Yeast (Epernay II is good but champagne yeast would also work)

Add the nettles to a large stock pot and pour the water over them bring to the boil and add the honey a little at a time until it dissolves. Simmer for fifteen minutes then turn off the heat and allow to cool. Strain then add the yeast nutrient and the cream of tartar (to be more authentic add a good handful of lightly-pounded sorrel leaves). You now make it like any mead i’ve added. As a wine-like mead, once bottled, this preparation needs to be left to mature in the bottle for at least a year. This is a very refreshing mead and adding a sprig of mint and a cube of ice gives you a wonderful summer-evening drink.

Elderflower beer

2l elderflowers 4l water 3 oranges, cut into segments (with peel) 3 lemons, cut into segments (with peel) 900g sugar cubes piece of rye bread

Combine the water, oranges, lemons and sugar in a large pan. Bring to a boil and cook for 30 minutes. Take off the heat and add the elderflowers. Set aside to infuse for 2 hours then pour through a sieve. Return the liquid to a pan and heat to blood temperature before pouring into a fermenting bucket. In this case, there should be enough natural yeast in the elderflowers to begin fermentation, but if you want to be sure add a piece of rye bread to the mixture. Allow to ferment for 3 days then rack into bottles (flip-top bottles are best). Stopper the bottles securely then lay down in a cool place. The beer will be ready to drink in 2 months.

Häggbärslikör (LEGAL bird cherry vodka)

31 bird cherries 2l boiling water 2kg granulated sugar 750ml vodka

Add the fruit to a food processor and chop roughly. Scoop the resultant pulp into a bowl, add the boiling water then cover and set aside to infuse for 24 hours. After this time strain the juice into a bowl (press down on the pulp with a fork to extract as much liquid as possible). Pour the liquid into a pan, bring to a boil and cook for 10 minutes. Now add the sugar and stir to dissolve. Take off the heat and set aside to cool completely. Strain the liquid through a fine-meshed sieve lined with muslin. Combine the resultant liquid with the vodka then pour into clean bottles, seal securely and set aside in a dark place to mature for at least 1 month before serving. The resultant liqueur is very sweet but will keep for many years.

For those unable to drink, don’t want to drink, or dislike liquor for what ever reason…I leave you with homemade hot chocolate!

250ml full-fat milk 50g good quality dark chocolate caster sugar, to taste 1 tbsp whipped cream

Add the milk in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Grate the chocolate into a bowl then divide between two mugs. Add 2 tbsp of the boiling milk to each mug then stir into the chocolate until smooth. Whisk in the remaining hot milk, dividing between the two mugs. Sweeten to taste with the caster sugar then garnish with a dollop of whipped cream.

Pumpkin beer


Love pumpkin, pumpkin beer…well that’ll be delicious for cooking….or just for drinking.

Grain: 0.5 lb American 20L Crystal
0.5 lb Dark German Munich
Extract: 7lbs Golden LME
Hops: 1oz German Tettnanger
Yeast: Wyeast 1056
Pumpkin: 4-5 lbs (a medium sized pumpkin) baked and pureed
Sugar: 1 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated white sugar
Vanilla: 1 tsp vanilla extract
Spice Mix (you will use 1 tbs of this):
2 tsp ground Cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
0.5 tsp ground cloves
0.5 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp all spice
Half Whirlfoc tablet or equal Iris Moss

Original Gravity: 1.060 Final Gravity: 1.018
Primary Ferment: 7 days
Secondary Ferment: 7 days

Cut up your pumpkin by taking out the “guts and seeds” and slicing off the shell. Place the meat of the pumpkin on baking sheets and bake at 400 degrees for 1 hour. Once baked, run the pumpkin through a food processor or blender.

Put the puree into a bowl and add the sugars, vanilla, and 1 tbs of the Spice Mix.

Place this puree in a Muslin Bag and set aside. From this point on we will call this the “pumpkin mix”.

#1: Bring 2.5 gallons of water to 150 – 160 degrees
#2: place grains in a muslin bag and put grains in water
#3: steep grains for 30 minutes
#4: remove wort from heat and add LME
#5 return to heat and bring to a boil
#6 once there is a rolling boil start the boil clock (60 min)

Boil:
60 min – 0,5 oz Tettnanger Hops
15 min – Whirlfloc or Irish Moss
8 min – Pumpkin mix in Muslin Bag
2 min – 0.5 oz Tettnanger Hops

#7 Cool the wort to below 80 degrees in an ice bath or with wort chiller
#8 Fill your fermenter with 2.5 gallons of cold water.
#9 Add the wort to the fermentor
#10 Add enough water to your fermentor to make 5 gallons.
#11 take Specific gravity — should be between 1.060 and 1.066
#12 pitch yeast
#13 agitate the wort by stirring vigorously
#14 cap the fermentor and place your lock.
#15 place in a temp controlled environment to maintain a range of 66 – 74
#16 Rack at 7 days
#17 at day 14 bottle or keg.

Pumpkin butter cider


When I make my pumpkin butter I usually end up with left overs.

3.5 cups of pumpkin butter = 16.1 ounces (roughly) = 1 pound 1 ounce

3.5 cups is 28 fluid ounces.

1 gallon is 128 fluid ounces.

that means 4.5 times 3.5 = 15.75 cups…(it be much easier if you just use 4 quarts of pumpkin butter lol)

In theory we need to make a gallon of thinned out pumpkin butter.

To do this we need to make pumpkin juice…..

We’d need pie pumpkins.

Scoop out the inards into a pie dish or baking dish. Then bake it. We will eat the seeds as a snack, while we just slice up the pumpkin, peeling and roast it as well. We will press this to extract the juice.

no idea how much juice we can get from a pumpkin. We’d like a gallon of pumpkin juice.

So Once we got our 1 gallon of pumpkin butter, and 1 gallon of pumpkin juice, it’s time to brew.

1 gallon pumpkin juice (Flavor)
1 gallon pumpkin butter (even more pumpkin flavor)
2 cup granulated sugar (for making alcohol)
1 teaspoon yeast energizer (to help a complete fermentation)
3 teaspoon acid blend (help balance the three main acids. By balancing the acidity, it makes it easier for the yeast to ferment properly.)
1 teaspoon pectic enzyme (to help break down any pectins, they cloud the cider)
1 campden tablet (to Kill off bacteria, add 24 hours BEFORE adding the yeast)
4 tablespoons pumpkin pie spice (obvious pumpkin pie flavor)
Wyeast 4007 Malo-Lactic Cultures (provides rapid and complete malic acid to lactic acid reduction to balance and soften wines)
Cider Activator Wyeast ACT4766 (Allows fruit character to dominate the profile.)
American Oak Infusion Spirals – Heavy Toast (pronounced caramelized, carbonized and toast flavors very quickly. Full flavor in 6 weeks.)

Place juice in primary fermentor and pumpkin butter in a very fine cloth. Add balance of ingredients excluding pumpkin pie spice. Stir to dissolve sugar. Stir daily for 5 to 6 days or until frothing ceases. Strain out pumpkin and squeeze as much juice out of it as you can. Siphon into secondary fermentor, add pumpkin pie spice, and attach airlock.

Rack in three weeks, and again every 2 months until the cider is clear. Month before clear, add oak spirals. I’d only add a 2 inch peice, you want a light oakiness to balance out the pumpkin flavors.

Remove oak spirals, Gently stir in 1/4 cup sugar per gallon. Bottle in bottles or clean pop bottles. Age three months.

I suppose it will be very pumpkinie.

Edit-after thought- The fermenting pumpkin might smell very strong…..this should mellow out as it’s aged and the flavors should mellow as well.

Chocolate banana cream pie


I’ve come up with the ultimate pie for the ultimate sweet tooth. A few of my relatives just love sweets like there is no tomarrow. I find bananas, chocolate, and strawberry goes really nicely together…so why not pie-afy them?

So let’s get this party started.

chocolate cream pie filling

1 c. sugar
1/3 c. flour
1 tsp. vanilla
2 egg yolks
1/8 tsp. salt
2 c. scalded milk
2 sqs. chocolate
1 tsp. butter
Melt the chocolate in milk. Mix dry ingredients; add milk mixture gradually. Cook 15 minutes in double boiler, stirring constantly until mixture thickens.
Mix small amount of mixture with egg yolks and return this to the double boiler. Cook 3 minutes longer. Cool and add vanilla.

banana cream pie filling

3/4 cup white sugar
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups milk
3 egg yolks, beaten
2 tablespoons butter
1 1/4 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 bananas, sliced

In a saucepan, combine the sugar, flour, and salt. Add milk in gradually while stirring gently. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture is bubbly. Keep stirring and cook for about 2 more minutes, and then remove from the burner.

Stir a small quantity of the hot mixture into the beaten egg yolks, and immediately add egg yolk mixture to the rest of the hot mixture. Cook for 2 more minutes; remember to keep stirring. Remove the mixture from the stove, and add butter and vanilla. Stir until the whole thing has a smooth consistency.

Strawberry whipped cream (about 4 cups)

Stir together 2/3 cup powdered sugar and 1/3 cup strawberry quick in large bowl. Stir in 2 cups (1 pt.) cold whipping cream and 2 teaspoons vanilla extract beat just until stiff. (Do not overbeat)

What do you do with all this yummy goodness?

First you make 2 graham cracker pie crusts. This recipe makes 1.

In a small saucepan or the microwave, melt 6 tablespoons of butter.
Place about 24 graham crackers in a plastic bag. Roll with a rolling pin until finely crushed. This may be done in small batches.
Measure 1 1/2 cups of graham cracker crumbs into a medium bowl.
Add 1/4 cup of sugar to the graham crackers.
Add the melted butter.
Stir or blend together with your hands.
Press into the pie plate or other pan.
To pre-bake the pie crust, bake for 8 to 10 minutes in a preheated 350 degree F. oven.

Now, you got your 2 baked pie crusts, now for the tricky part….layering…

You carefully wanna slice some strawberries and bananas, and layer them in the bottom of the pie crust. You want to alternate, banana strawberry banana….then once the bottom is covered in slices, gently add in your banana cream half way in the pie. Then take and carefully add more banana and strawberry slices, alternating as you go. Then carefully top off the rest of your pie with chocolate cream pie filling. Then top off with more banana and strawberry slices.

Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 12 to 15 minutes. Chill over night.

Then scoop out your strawberry whipped cream, and drop by tablespoon on the top of your pie. Walla, the ultimate sweet tooth filling pie.

sugar high