An ode to homer


Cover of "The Simpsons Movie (Widescreen ...

Cover of The Simpsons Movie (Widescreen Edition)

No not the greek poet. Watch the simpson’s movie and chief wiggam almost shot himself while eating donuts. Something homer and I share is a love of donuts. So I’m thinkin of that I’ve never had is fried cake donut. Not sure if they’d fry up right, but I figure the idea’s there always room to experiment.  The dough will probably be a bit sticky so flour whatever you use to cut the donuts. So here we go homer’s donut.

 

Homer‘s donut

Mix oil and egg in a bowl until combined, add in baking powder, sugar, salt, and flours and fold together unitl it forms a crumbly mix. Slowly stir in brandy, moonshine and milk. Flour your hands and turn out onto floured board and let sit in the oven for 2 hours. Roll dough out to desired thickness (I’m thinking 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick, anything thicker might leave the center raw and uncooked.) and either cut out with a cookie cutter or a tin can, or a cup. Cut out as many donuts as you can get, might be some left over, can twist it together and you can make donut sticks! Heat oil in a pan until you can stick in a bamboo skewer and it bubbles vigorously, or a cube of bread browns in a minute. Lay your donuts a few at a time in the oil and fry until golden brown flipping with a spider half way through cooking. (Probably 3-4 minutes, maybe more depending on thickness) Once cooked, remove from pan of oil and roll in cinnamon sugar. (My cinnamon sugar is 1/4 cup white sugar, 1 tablespoon cinnamon and 1 teaspoon apple pie spice) Knowing homer like I do from watching the show, I think a glaze would be required, a simple glaze of 1/4 cup milk, 2 cups cinnamon sugar, and 1 teaspoon of apple pie moonshine be awesome. Definetly not healthy, but sounds like something homer would enjoy.

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My country cube steak with saw mill gravy for a crowd


I’ll let you in on a secret. I love red meat. Being a guy one could easily know that but I love bison cube steak when I can find it for a true country breakfest.

Mix together flour, salt, pepper, and cayenne. Dredge the Cube steak in the flour mix on both sides and set aside until all the yummy cube steaks are covered in flour. In a large camp fire skillet, add oil, garlic, and onions. When onions are clear remove from pan along with garlic. Add butter into pan and allow to melt. Once melted add in cube steaks. Watch them carefully, when the sides get a golden hay like color flip them and give them 1 more minute before removing from the pan. Turn off heat and remove grease by pouring through a fine mesh screen over a funnel into a mason jar.  This filters out the solid particles from the grease. Set this remaining grease aside in the mason jar. It will keep in the fridge for upto a week.

Take 9 tablespoons of this grease, 9 tablespoons of flour, 3 cups of half and half, and 1 pound crumbled breakfest sausage. Sift the flour into this remaining grease in the same pan you fried the cube steak. Stir it until it gets brown, I like a straw brown color. Pour in the half and half slowly while stirring constantly. Add in crumbled breakfest sausage, and stir until it’s thickened. At this point I add black pepper, about 3 tablespoons.  The breakfest sausage can be anything. Jimmy dean is good, or what ever you happen to have.

Serve with a side of mashed potatoes.

The don of meatloaf


One thing I realized my site does not have is my meatloaf recipe. It is the don of meatloaves. There’s lots of goodies in it. Bits of bacon mixed in, there’s chunks of feta, olives, onions and garlic.

 

Soak the sliced italian bread in the milk for several minutes in a large mixing bowl. While it is soaking turn the oven onto 200 degrees F.  Place the ground meat, garlic bacon, eggs, salts, pepper, parsley, cheeses, olives, and onions into the soaked bread. Mix by hand until it all comes together and is well mixed. Turn out onto pan and shape into 4 loaves. (I have a cooling rack that is nothing more then a chunk of 1/4 inch thick steel with 1/3 inch holds drilled in it. I place it over a turkey roasting pan 1/2 full of water. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND DOING THIS.) Place into oven and let cook 8-12 hours. After the 8-12 hours has passed apply your favorite sauce ontop of meatloaves and turn to 350 degrees F and allow to bake for another 15 to 30 minutes.

When it is done it will be sticky on the outside, and so moist and tender inside that you can microwave it the next day and not have it dry out on you which most meat loaves others have made for me tend to do. The onions will be clear, the garlic soft and delicious, the bacon flimsy yet delicious. The best thing of all, it’s a great meal that one can cook all day. No longer do you have to rush to get a meatloaf done, you can set it, and forget it.

Typically I use a apple bbq sauce with burbon in it.

Kulebyaka with meat


What is Kulebyaka? It is a russian tradition among the yamal. It is also called Kulebiaka. Kulebiaka is a rich flaky pastry usually filled with a mixture of salmon, cabbage, and mushrooms, but many other fillings are possible, then rolled up and baked. It is served hot or cold in thick slices, with the addition of extra butter and the inevitable sour cream. My recipe here uses musk ox tendon, mushrooms, cabbage, onions and of course musk ox meat.

Why am I tossing this recipe out? Someone searched for a pastry shaped like a pig with meat. I make my kulebyaka shaped like a pig and it is sometimes done by others. Where this came from I have no idea, probably the French.

Well here we go. Many people have never cooked tendon. Tendon is very tough. Expecially musk ox tendon and or beef tendon. Tendon has a unique flavor all it’s own. I cook my tendons with onions, garlic, and apple juice.

To do this one needs a pressure cooker.

2 lb tendon (beef or musk ox tendon visit your local butcher/slaughter house)
1/2 cup apple juice
3 cloves garlic
1 onion
10 cups waters
1/4 cup apple vinegar

Mix all ingredients in a pressure cooker, bring to high pressure (15 pound psi) and cook for 2 hours! (make sure there’s enough water to prevent the bottom of the pan from drying out. They will be tender rather then tough and easy to chop when done.

Now we make the kulebyaka.

2 lb tendon
2 lb ground musk ox (or beef)
4 onions
1 cup chopped mushroom
1 cup chopped cabbage
4 lbs flour (white)

Roll and shape the dough into an oval piece 1/4-inch thick. Brown the beef and crumble, slice tendon into thin slivers, cool and add cabbage, slightly browned onions, salt, pepper and minced parsley. Pour melted butter and meat broth into the filling. Then pile it up on each piece, pinch the opposite edges of the dough and place on the buttered baking sheet, with its seam down, shaping it as a suckling-pig. To make the kulebyaka keep its shape, thicken the dough with flour on the table. To give a natural look to the pig’s ears, nose and tail and to make them safely pass through a baking process, rub flour on the table into a lump of dough intended for these purposes. Attach all details made of dough to the pie by egg, and brush the surface with egg yolk – this helps get the deep amber color. Use large black raisins or large peppercorns to imitate the pig’s eyes. I’m sorry I don’t know how much liquid to make the dough, I never measure it’s all done by feel. The dough is ready when it won’t stick to your fingers like a bread dough.

Prick the surface and sides with a fork and brush them up with the beaten yolk of egg. Bake at 410° to 426° F until it has the deep amber color.

Don’t knock it till you try it.

Razor clam digging from ocean to table


Sorry I haven’t been about in ages. I’ve been hard at work on the book. Unfortunately I will not be able to sell them due to being disabled. So I might just give a few away once their finished. I noticed I had a few searches on razor clamswhile I was away. Specifically how to gather razor clams. There is three types of razor clams and I will discuss both in depth along with how to catch them.

I am most familiar with the first one the atlantic jackknife clam. The jack knife is called the bamboo clam, american jackknife clam and of course the razor clam. You can find them from south carolina all the way up to canada and even in europe.  These clams live in sand and mud.  You have to look at intertidal and subtidal zones in bays and estuaries. Here in Rhode Island you can find them in the salt water ponds. They can burrow in wet sand very quickly, and is also able to swim. It gets its name from the rim of the shell being extremely sharp (stepping on one causes extreme pain and a trip to the doctor) and the shape of the clam overall has a strong resemblance to an old fashioned straight razor. These clams can and will out dig you. Harvesting methods can be limited, specifically here in rhode island your not allowed to use a dredge of any kind to collect them. Their location is revealed by a keyhole-shaped opening in the sand and when the clam is disturbed, a small jet of water squirts from this opening similar to steamer clams as the clam starts to dig. They are not really commercially fished because of the speed and the limited harvesting methods.  The best and easiest way to catch the atlantic jackknife is a method called scaring. This is done by pouring salt on the breathing hole and a little water, the clam will try to escape this extremely salt water coming to the surface and all you must do is grab the shell. Very simple method, though some people are confused as to what is poured on the breathing hole. You now know it’s salt. The same method of razor shells works, however they live only in sand. They are found eastern canada to northern europe. The pacific razor clam is a bit different still. They are larger, and can be 30 feet down in sandy beaches.  They can be found from Pismo beach in California, all the way up into the Aleutian islands in Alaska.  They can be almost 11 inches long in Alaska! Generally they are 3-6 inches in their southern range though.  Always check the public health regulations in your area, as clams of any type may be subject to pollution or toxins in the water.  These clams are commercially harvested. I have never dug for pacific razor clams, so I’m not sure how it’s done. I did find a website in Oregon with pictures that can help those on the pacific coast. http://www.dfw.state.or.us/mrp/shellfish/razorclams/digging_razor_clams.asp http://www.dfw.state.or.us/mrp/shellfish/razorclams/index.asp

Now you know how to catch them. How do you clean them? Well one can clean them a number of ways. I purge them by letting them sit in salt water over night with bread crumbs so that they can remove the sand and grit from their bellies.

Another way to do it is to put them in a colander, then pour boiling water over them and then cold water this causes them to pop open. Then you remove the meat from the shell it’s fully cooked and we process the meat. Snip off the tough part of the neck just below the valve. Getting as close to the end as you can. Put the edge of your scissors in under the zipper and snip upward toward the end of the neck. Make sure your scissors go into the lower chamber of the neck to save time. If you missed it, put the scissors back in and cut through the lower chamber. Continue all the way through the end of the neck. Use your fingers to grab the foot and gills. Squeeze gently and pull to separate the foot from the body. After rinsing, the body is ready to eat. Snip at an angle across the end of the foot. Insert the scissors into the middle part of the foot. Cut all the way through the end of the foot, keeping in the middle so that the foot will lay flat for cooking. Pull the foot apart so that it lays flat. Pull the dark material from the foot. Only remove the dark material. Gently pull the foot flat and rinse. There will be soft material that remains on the foot. The foot is now ready to eat. At this point you can batter them and fry them if you wish.

The’s king’s apple pie moonshine


Moonshine: People once believed (incorrectly) ...

Moonshine: People once believed (incorrectly) that a blue flame meant it was safe to drink. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is something I have come to enjoy. Apple pie flavored liquor…excellent for cooking even better for drinking.

 

20 gallons apple juice
20 gallons apple jack
10 cans thing of cinnamon stickes
Now start warming it up. When it reaches about 100 degrees add
20 cups dark brown sugar
20 cups palm sugar
Keep cooking and stiring every now and then.
Add a few dashes of cinnamon powder. Not alot.
Cook until it starts to boil, around 225 should be enough. Now let it cool.
One cooled to around 100 degrees you will now add the alcohol all 8.6 gallons of 190 proof appalachian moonshine (illegal, but can use a 50/50 mix of vodka and everclear)

Store in 50 1 gallon jugs.

Enjoy responsibly…

To the dads, grilled mac and cheese


Well father’s day is upon us. With this in mind I thought of a simple yet delicious recipe that dads would love. I’m thinking  grilled mac and cheese with chorizo, fire roasted onions, chiles and corn, maybe some left over on some grilled bread for a great sandwich!
Father’s day grilled mac and cheese

Coarse salt (kosher or sea)
2 cups (about 8 ounces) elbow macaroni
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
2 ears sweet corn, shucked
1 medium red onion, peeled and quartered
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted, plus 2 tablespoons butter
Freshly ground black pepper
6 to 8 New Mexican green chiles or Anaheim or California peppers, or
2 to 4 poblano peppers
1 yellow bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 shallot, minced
3 tablespoons flour
2 cups half-and-half, light cream, or milk
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 cups (about 8 ounces) grated smoked cheese, preferably smoked Cheddar, smoked pepperjack, or equal amounts of both
1/4 to 1/2 cup dried bread crumbs (preferably homemade)
6 ounces crumbled spanish chorizo

A cast iron skillet, aluminum foil roasting pan or drip pan, or grill-proof baking dish (about 9 by 12 inches), sprayed or brushed with oil; 2 cups wood chips or chunks (preferably hickory); soaked for 1 hour in mock burbon/water to cover (1 cup water to 1 tablespoon vanilla makes 1 cup mock burbon), then drained

Bring 8 quarts of lightly salted water to a rapid boil in a large pot over high heat. Add the macaroni and cook until al dente, about 7 to 8 minutes. Drain the macaroni in a large colander, rinse with cold water until cool, and drain again. Toss the macaroni with the oil to prevent sticking.

Set up the grill for direct grilling and preheat to high.

When ready to cook, lightly brush the corn and onion with half of the melted butter and season with salt and pepper. Place chorizo in a small metal pan and brown after putting the corn and onion on the hot grate and grill until nicely browned, 2 to 3 minutes per side (8 to 12 minutes in all) for the corn, and 3 to 4 minutes per side (9 to 12 minutes in all) for the onion, turning with tongs as needed. Add the chiles and peppers to the hot grate and grill until the skins are charred, 3 to 5 minutes per side (6 to 10 minutes in all) for the New Mexican chiles, or 3 to 5 minutes per side (12 to 20 minutes in all) for the poblano peppers, and 4 to 6 minutes per side (16 to 24 minutes in all) for the bell peppers. Transfer the corn, chorizo and onion to a cutting board and let cool.

Transfer the grilled chiles and bell peppers to a baking dish and cover with plastic wrap. Let the peppers cool to room temperature, about 20 minutes (the steam trapped by the plastic wrap helps loosen the skin from the peppers). Scrape the skin off the cooled peppers, then core and seed them.

Cut the corn kernels off the cobs using lengthwise strokes of a sharp butcher knife. Thinly slice the onion quarters crosswise. Cut the chiles and peppers into 1/4-inch dice.

Melt the 2 tablespoons butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the garlic and shallot and cook until soft but not brown, 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in the corn kernels and grilled onion, chorizo, chiles, and bell peppers. Stir in the flour and cook for 1 minute. Stir in the half-and-half and increase the heat to high. Let the mixture boil for 3 minutes, stirring well; it should thicken. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the mustard and cooked macaroni, followed by the cheese. Season with salt and pepper to taste; the mixture should be highly seasoned. Spoon the macaroni and cheese into the cast iron skillet or oiled aluminum foil pan. Sprinkle the top of the macaroni with the bread crumbs and drizzle the remaining 2 tablespoons melted butter over the bread crumbs.

Set up the grill for indirect grilling and preheat to medium-high. If using a gas grill, place all of the wood chips in the smoker box or in a smoker pouch and run the grill on high until you see smoke, then reduce the heat to medium-high. If using a charcoal grill, preheat it to medium-high, then toss all of the wood chips or chunks, if desired, on the coals.

When ready to cook, place the macaroni and cheese in the center of the hot grate, away from the heat, and cover the grill. Cook the macaroni and cheese until the sauce is bubbly and the top is crusty and brown, 40 minutes to 1 hour. Serve with dad’s favorite beer, a grilled meat that he likes, and some grilled potatoes with gravy. What better way to say we love you dad then a whole meal made on the grill for him?

Maybe slap some on some nice toasted garlic bread for a sandwich.